Losing

With every second that I spent unable to light my cigarette, I felt my life being drained out of my veins and falling into oblivion. It physically hurt to think of how I was waiting to light a fag that I would then use to wait for my life to fly by me; the exact same way everything has always flown by me. I was and always will be incorrigible.

There was a brief flash that blinded me and I deemed it important of a mention to myself, because that was the most animated thing that had happened to me. There it was, I was reduced to enjoying the headlights of a drunk driver at 4 in the morning.

Some days, I wish I would have turned left instead of right or that I would have stood instead of sitting. It made me think of how I missed chances or buses or even appointments. It also made me think of how I somehow lost myself in the abyss that was my life. Similar to a high end whore, it sucked me dry and wanted more. It left me panting and finally with nothing to yield or cherish.

All my creativity and all my charm – everything I spent throughout my life, everything I have given to the time I lived, all this was the cum in the analogical blowjob.

There it was.  I was reduced to being cum.

 For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.

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