unbeautifully

some days some
days i
hate the distance
in both metric and imperial
this space between us
full of history and monuments
of tragedies and kisses
bridges i can’t find to cross
so i swim and
i drown
and i respawn like
jesus to a child
three days i cry
empty of blood
a carcass in the cave of my misery
this space i can’t walk so i long
eyes green with tears i wonder
if i have been so kind then why
am i still me
cars drive plays in the background of
this non-shakespearean play
i can’t do iambic and i can’t do heartless
not anymore
perhaps this is karma
because here i am
void of caresses

how unbeautifully lamenting of me
to continue this whining and still
here i am and i wonder
if my face ever makes your breath
hitch a little like when you
miss a step and find your footing
but with the tenderness of the breeze
on the back of your head
down your spine
the stairway to heaven
is full of missing steps
and i am most and
none at all

if when i sometimes pop up
your heart clenches in the meek hand
of missing me
fingers taut all of a sudden choking
the throat of your aorta
ghost kisses on the tendon in your neck

please

do you ever walk your fingers
on empty space
thinking of my hair
like tendrils of rope
floating in the underwater rivers
of our love
i am shipwrecked on this island
alone and hungry
i have been here for ever now
if forever ever seemed lonely
well it is
and so am i
i wish they’d told me to stay home
at sea the sky is spherical
cold and changing
day to night and i long
for what i could not have
and i go
and i come
like a wave
i wish they’d told me to stay home
and feed me the chains of an arranged marriage
so i’d never have met
you and never have thought
i could be important

some days some
days i whisper as i wander aimlessly
motivational posts on facebook
ringing in my ears
like aggressive fireworks
there’s a tapeworm in the stomach of
my heart
and it’s eating away at me like
i am breakfast lunch
and dinner like
i am the body of christ
and they are the hungry believer
i am irrational yet i am disbelieving
how fantastic that i still breathe
despite the apple of my eye belonging to
no one
god how i find myself longing
on the most winding of roads
i am bathing in brimstone
on fire despite drowning
into the oceans apart
let my whispers go i am
tired and empty
consumed and weary
i am so wired and
so tied up
and there’s no safeword
for this


5-10/9/18

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *